I never thought it would happen to me
My husband left me for a younger woman. It’s such a cliche. I never imagined that it would happen to me after we raised 2 beautiful children together. We had our differences but always made up before going to bed so I thought things were good.
After I found out about my husband’s cheating and I confronted him, his first words to me were, “I didn’t sign up for this.” I was in shock, crying angry tears and very confused so I didn’t even have an inkling as to what he meant at the time. I thought, “What?! He didn’t sign up for a beautiful home and family? For a caring woman who took care of everything while he was away on his business trips? I’m the one who didn’t sign up for the cheater and my life unexpectedly falling apart.”
I now know that he meant that he didn’t sign up for “me” in menopause. Menopause had hit me hard, like a ton of bricks, and looking back, it must have seemed as if I had a personality change overnight. Going through a divorce made it even more difficult and seemingly insurmountable. I blamed my husband, blamed myself, everyone else, my menopause. Sometimes I’d console myself with the thought that my husband’s girlfriend would also go through menopause and then he’d leave her. My life as I knew it had disintegrated for good and became very dark.
Unprompted, friendly advice was not my friend
It seemed that everywhere I turned, I received unprompted, “friendly” advice. None of it was helpful. My mother-in-law, who is a clinical psychologist, sent me a book on “how to have more sex as a couple,” not knowing that we hadn’t had sex in ages. I cried so much after I opened the package. I just threw the book in the trash.
My best friend gave me herbal supplements that didn’t work and told me that he would come back to me after the honeymoon of his dalliance wore off. She was wrong – they are still together five years later and more lovey-dovey than ever. My brother, who is a lawyer, started talking about contracts, money and alimony, when I didn’t have the guts to tell him that I had never even really paid the household expenses and didn’t have my own bank account.
After my husband moved out, I was officially alone – with my mood swings, hot flashes, anxiety, expenses and fear about my own income-less future. After the kids had left the house, I had picked up a part-time editorial job for something to do but it was not a steady, reliable income. I had quit my journalism job a long time ago when the children were young. It was too difficult to go into the office and also raise children with my husband away so often for business.
When I told my doctor what I was going through – divorce and menopause – he just nodded at me, telling me it was a common occurrence and that I would get through it. I really wanted to scream at him but instead I just bit the inside of my cheek. When I got home, I banged my fist hard against the wall to let out my anger at the doctor’s insensitive comments. While this act of violence made me feel better temporarily, I nursed a sore hand for a week.
Sleep became my salvation
I became paralyzed with depression and fear, especially with fear about becoming homeless and without any financial support. My children were just starting their careers and couldn’t support me and I didn’t know how to support myself.
I would start my usual morning routine of coffee at the dining table and realize that my husband wasn’t there for the chitchat and scheduling that, when he was in town, we had done every day for the last 25 years. The sadness would be overwhelming and I’d cry into my coffee cup for what seemed like ages although in reality it was probably a few minutes.
I’d then pull myself together to try and edit a few pages, get depressed again and go to sleep in the afternoon for several hours. I didn’t know how I would live my life, make a living for myself, be cheery, and …. date? How could I even think of seeing another man when I felt like I had zero energy and zero libido?
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It’s a divorce, not a failed marriage
It took a long time – almost 3 years – but I got through my menopause and divorce to the other side. The darkness does pass. I gradually transitioned from not wanting to live, to surviving, living and back again to the enjoyment of life that I had before menopause.
The hardest part about the divorce was telling my children. I felt that I had failed them as a mother by failing as a wife. It took me a long time – and many therapy sessions – to realize that I shouldn’t be blaming my husband or myself. I learned to recognize that part of my descent into depression was due to the fact that the physiological and emotional roller coasters of menopause were fanning the flames of my divorce. I stopped thinking of it as “my failed marriage” and it just became a divorce.
Got my affairs in order
Unexpectedly, the person I turned to the most often was my baby brother, who is a pragmatic and unemotional type of person. He spent a lot of time with me structuring my finances, got me a very good divorce lawyer who worked on a contingency payment basis, and schooled me through the tough times. He also had confidence in my skills and encouraged me to write a novel.
I needed his steady, helpful – and non-judgemental – support at a time when I was going through so many ups and downs. He would listen to me rant or be emotional and then turn to the next topic of financial management. If anyone had been listening in, I’m sure they would have thought that we had quite a few very odd conversations.
Getting my financial affairs in order was the most important activity that I could do for myself. After I had more financial stability, I was able to work on everything else, including my hot flashes and other menopausal symptoms and eventually my own personal growth and relationships.
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Ended up on hormones
To help me through the dark times, my GP – yes the same one I was angry with – prescribed me hormone therapy. I don’t know which came first, the hormones or the post-divorce healing, but after about a year, I finally started feeling like myself. The depression – whether due to menopause, the divorce or both – had lifted enough so that I created a profile on match.com and ended up dating my neighbour down the block from me!
I had a lot of friends who kept telling me that hormones are so bad for me, I will get breast cancer and that I could weather the storm with good nutrition and exercise. Well, it was hard to exercise when all I wanted to do was sleep and it was hard to avoid carbohydrates when sometimes my only meal for the day was a pint of ice cream.
I needed hormone therapy to deal with my menopausal symptoms such as depression, anxiety and hot flashes – and while it’s not the right choice for every woman, it was the right one for me. I’m glad I’m still on hormones 5 years later as I’m positive that it’s also helping with my libido and my new relationship.
To each woman who is going through her own journey with divorce and menopause, I want to let you know that there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. I’m living proof of how you can find your own way.
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What actually is “post menopause”? 
The Menopause Facts You Need to Know 
Menopause Symptoms That May Surprise You 
Are Dilators Helpful After Menopause? 
Men versus Menopause: What they need to understand 
How to Make Menopause Work for You 
How Your Marriage Can Survive Menopause
Hormone therapy today involves much less hormone than in the early days.
There are more types of HRT available today as well. I’m a true believer.
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your experience. I firmly believe that my perimenopause (10 years on a roller coaster of emotions & symptoms from age 45-55 yrs) was a contributing factor to the breakup of my common law relationship of 19 years. The night sweats took over my life at age 55. Intimacy went out the window. I started hormones then and slowly started to feel better. Four years later nothing was getting better between us. I made the decision to leave. I had no idea my husband was cheating on me for months not with one but two women (maybe more but I only caught him with two). His massage therapist who was 41 and some skank aged 30-35 with 2 kids. The skank and her kids moved in right after I moved out. There are no words that can describe the pain & angry I feel everyday. In one of our last heated conversations I apologized for going through “the change” and sorry that it had an affect on our relationship. His response to this was “you have an excuse for everything don’t you.” I had no idea really what it meant when someone would say “he’s going through a mid life crisis”. Now I know.
Why would you apologize to a cheating, lying, using, self-serving entitled narcissistic sack of shit for a completely natural normal and inevitable biologic process that you have no control over and cannot stop or delay or mitigate in any way? I don’t mean to sound mean but honestly it makes me angry that our society is so taboo about menopause that women actually feel the need and obligation to apologize for it, as if it’s somehow our fault that ALL of us were designed to go through this. If anything, your husband is to blame for blaming you instead of educating himself on female biology and menopause. He didn’t sign up for it???? Well women didn’t either! Jesus. And NO ONE warns us about it, that’s the worst part. We are all blindsided.
Honestly, if men had stated at the wedding while giving marriage vows that the ENTIRE marriage would hinge upon the woman’s ability to completely defy biology and never go through menopause and maintain the same libido and sensitivity and vaginal function until the day she died, there would far fewer marriages. Or, women would realize that the only thing ALL men care about is pussy and we would just stop putting any effort or energy into doing anything else AT ALL for our husbands except fucking them, and then have TONS of time and energy left over to focus on ourselves and our own lives. Make the husbands pay for hormone therapy and vaginaplasty after childbirth and boob jobs and laser vaginal rejuvenation and that would make the arrangement even easier. Just lay there and let him stick his wee wee inside your vagina for 5 minutes every night and then use his money to pay for everything you want for yourself. Win win!!
Yes! HRT was a lifesaver for me Still on them 25 years later but at a very low dose My Dr told me it probably saved me from osteoporosis that is in my family
What HRT are you on?
Thank you . It was s good read and one I will reflect upon for awhile, I’m sure.
Look into bio identical plant based hormones. They are much safer.
HRT helped me a lot.
My wife of twenty years is going through menopause. She is making any day of my life unbearable. She refuses to have any kind of physical contact with me, not even kissing. She doesn’t want to share a bed with me She makes me feel like a guest in my own house. We have two wonderful daughters, and because of them I am staying in the marriage. I was turning into a depressed alcoholic, until I found a woman who sees me as a desirable person again. She is not a young bimbo, she is 5 years older than my wife and 3 years older than I am. I don’t feel guilty for cheating, it is saving my life.
You should feel guilty. How about supporting your wife instead of being a scumbag!
What an ass
Did she see a doctor? Did you try marriage counseling or maybe individual counseling for your depression and alcoholism? Did you even try to make yourself desirable? Did you ever ask her or yourself what you said or did to become undesirable? My guess the answer to all these questions is no. I hope you end up with untreatable impotence and she leaves you for some 25 year old stud.
Marriage counseling is generally a waste. Most of the time the counselor is female and really has no interest in his wants. Needs, desires or complaints. If the counselor does take a position of support with the man, the woman will simply demand a new one and disregard the critiques of her behavior. I know, I have been married 25 years. I have never cheated but she has. Hence my familiarity with counseling. I have been through joint and single. Relations were of a bi- annual nature for years. Last year was the1st of the single. I have spent 27 years in Public Safety and I am eligible for my retirement now. I have worked 2 jobs that entire time with 3 dogs since 2008. 2 are seasonally off set. Despite my 70 to 80 hours work a week, I still did / do the vast majority of the child care and housework plus all the outside chores including vehicle upkeep and maintenance. She works 40 hours per week true, but she cones home and sits on her but all night. Yet she is too tired for anything else. I can set the mood, make overtures, rub her feet and back. Be nice, romantic whatever you can say men don’t do you can believe I did. Still nothing. Kids are now 18 and 21. If she thinks I’m going to live the rest of my retirement tbis way she is way off base. Currently I do not plan on divorce but she is 10 years younger and still has to work for her retirement. I will simply do my own thing without her. But rest assured. Should a divorce be initiated by her, my ducks are all lined up, fed and trained in their duties.
Sorry to hear that, I feel for you.
Find a male marriage counselor. They are a real thing and this isn’t rocket science. I, personally will NEVER EVER EVER go to a woman marriage counselor again simply because without fail, the husband cannot hear a word she says and feels like “sides” are being taken, and it’s the women against him. So. Find a guy.
So sorry! Hubby and I have gone through ups and downs. I don’t think either one of us would have hung on if either cheated. Life and our marriage is good now.
I am a 47-year-old woman experiencing the hot flashes and other issues that go along with the beginning signs of menopause. I don’t think he is a jerk or an asshole. It is wrong to expect men to accept bad treatment “because we are married” menopause or not. The first thing we say when a man treats our girlfriends that way is leave him girl. And I’m telling him leave her dude. She is clearly selfish and is not concerned about his emotional needs or feelings at all.
Thank you for this kind reply.
Or she’s incredibly hurt at the realization that at the end of the day, none of the other things she put into the marriage ever mattered, all that ever mattered was her vagina having enough estrogen for sex without pain, bleeding, UTIs, tearing, zero sensation or pleasure and so much dryness that lube does literally nothing to help.
He never mentioned what led up tonthis abrupt cessation of all contact and stated he feels no guilt in cheating on his WIFE instead of bothering to lift a finger to figure out what’s going on or help his wife at all or look for specialists in menopause or counseling or anything. He just blindly blames her with zero information at all, like all men do, just so they can feel justified in cheating. None of those men actually love their wives. They just use them.
I haven’t been intimate with my wife for 35 years…her choice, not mine. I have remained 100 faithful. This is absolute torture…but I can’t throw away a 41 year marriage.
When you try everything you can to support your wife and they refuse to try and make life unbearable I can understand where this person is coming from
Thank you.
I didnt see anything in any of your comments that suggested, at all, that you made any attempt to actually support your wife. AT ALL. Want to hear something true but awful? It’s true that no one prepares married men for the hell that is menopause which is unfortunate, but the fact that no one prepares WOMEN for the hell that is menopause is FAR worse, belive me. Not our mothers, friends, doctors, sex ed teachers in middle school, not even the internet. NO ONE prepares us for this. Women are so blind sided and miserable and suffering and so distracted trying to find a way to get through it without killing themselves that yeah, sometimes we just dont have enough mental or physical capacity left to truly consider how this horrible hell is impacting out husbands. And we DO feel guilty for that — any woman that you ask will admit to you that during this ONE horrible period in her life, she was not able to consider the impact on her husband because it took everything in her to survive the impact on herself. But here is the reason why men who cheat on their wives during menopause constitute the absolute lowest, most disgusting, most self-serving worthless pathetic sacks of dog **** on this planet: A marriage is not defined by one day, or one year, or even five years. I GUARANTEE you that your wife has endured absolute hell in her life caused directly by you at some point in your marriage. She carried, birthed and breastfed your CHILDREN. Because of that women, you will be a father FOREVER, which means that no matter what, you will NEVER be truly alone at any point during the rest of your life. She gave you a family. A home. It broke her body in ways you literally cannot even fathom. That women gave her life, her energy, her fertility, her youthful years, her love and consideration and mental vitality to YOU. She suffered immensely to give you a family but will never tell you that. You think that you going without sex is the worst possible thing anyone could endure? Try being a woman who loves her husband dearly but wakes up one day realizing that her own body has turned against her and the parts required for sex just dont work anymore, and every doctor you see just tells you that’s normal and gives you a business card for a divorce attorney and prescription for lidocaine cream so that when you can bring yourself to have sex, it doenst hurt so bad that you cry the rest of the night. You are CHEATING on your wife and fully justifying it by blaming it on something that your wife has ABSOLUTELY ZERO control over. ZERO. I promise you that she is mortified, embarrassed and ashamed by what is happening to her body and feels horrible about how it is affecting you. But instead of supporting her the way she supported you during difficult times, you just immediately started stuffing your penis into another woman’s vagina. You completely disregarded and pissed and shit all over everything else that your wife has done for you and brought into your life and given to you during your marriage– you rendered every single aspect of your marriage except sex completely meaningless and worthless and valueless because your wife cant have sex with you right now because of NORMAL BIOLOGY that she has NO control over.
Men absolutely have to start telling women that the only thing men see or care about or value in them is their vagina BEFORE the wedding. We would waste a HELL OF A LOT LESS of our energy, time, money, consideration, affection and love on our husbands if we knew point blank that the only aspect of our existence that actually matters to a man is our vagina. Really, seriously, this needs to happen.
Tell your poor wife that you are fucking another woman, so that she can choose to stop putting her time, energy, thought, consideration, love and affection into you and start putting all of that into herself instead, because you absolutely DO NOT deserve it, and she deserves to know how much you don’t care about or value her as a person and have only ever seen her as a piece of pussy.
I’m in the peri-menopause phase of this and felt like I was losing my mind. Depression and anxiety were really bad as well as forgetfulness, hot flashes, severe mood swings and painful periods. My GP prescribed Effexor, which is an antidepressant/ anti anxiety med that also seems to help with many of the other symptoms. Different type of approach than HRT, but helpful for me!
After I moved to a different state of course I had a new dr. He took me off HRT, and I have had the bone problems, disc problems and pain. Pills dont help.seekung help from specialist. We’ll see what that does.
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HRT sounds wonderful. I was 49 when I started Menopause. 49. I had the depression, severe hot flashes, vaginal dryness, no libido, etc. Unfortunately, it was during this time that I actually had a stroke, caused supposedly by a blood clot. Therefore, NO HORMONAL REPLACEMENT WAS ALLOWED!!! So, here it is, 15 years later, I am still having those damn killer hot flashes. Luckily, my husband has been very supportive of all my problems. He knows several men whose wives went bonkers when they went through this, and realized what was happening. Being a very devout Christian man, divorce wasn’t acceptable. So we have worked through it. My stroke has changed me more than the Menopause. It was in the part of my brain that controls my emotions, and my energy levels. Where I was able to prioritize things before, now I can’t. I have absolutely no energy. On top of all of that, two years after I began menopause and had my stroke, I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis and also had a heart attack!!! Talk about a double whammy!! I am not sure that I would have made it without him because I still had children living at home, small children. It was a living hell.
Each story is different and interesting. I went through menopause at 49, didnt have any problems..the 6 mths before my cycle was sporadic, but no hot flashes or depression..still don’t have them. Unfortunately , my husband was diagnosed with congestive heart failure a couple of month after that, but we still had a normal sex life, until he could no longer perform, and he passed away when i was 57. I’m now 65 and still don’t have the hot flashes..picked up a few pounds over the last few years…started having vaginal dryness within the last year, but it doesn’t bother me, because I’m not sexually active.
So, she didn’t work because it was too hard with her husband out of town, didn’t handle even basic finances for the house, wasn’t having sex with her husband and then blames the failed marriage on menopause?
The marriage failed because she didn’t have her own $&@! together. Now she’s in a relationship because she has a job, manages her own finances like a grown up and realizes that dealing with your sex life in a sexual relationship is actually important.
No. She was raising children at the time he was away. That is a full time job/ undervalued as well, clearly.
Mothering is a full-time job, yes, and a lot of us moms do that and work for a living as well. Hardest balancing act of my life and more undervalued than the SAHM job, in my observation.
Here we go. SAHMs are prostitutes, right? “Work for a living” makes it sound like SAHMs are living off their husbands, like they are morally bankrupt. Women were at home for, literally, a couple thousand years, until the 60s. The Bible even says that women are to be”keepers at home”. Gods okay with it, so you need to get over it. You are not superior to anyone.
Man comes home…wants wife…she has home obligations…as well as changes in her body. Not a good situation. I wouldnt want a man having manapause..especially mine…
I am 58, and my wife is just going through menopause. I am a super horny guy….yes, still and now I’m finding out that I cannot have it. Not sure how I am going to process this. I don’t like porn.
You cant have it the way you used to have it, that’s true. It’s hard to have empathy for men who made zero attempts to educate themselves, at all, about female biology and aging and menopause before they chose marriage and frankly, I don’t understand how a man of even below average intelligence could possibly actually believe that a woman’s body and sex drive and vagina stay the exact same her whole life.
Guess what — there’s probably a whole hell of a lot that your wife has never gotten from you that she needed but just had to make due without during your WHOLE marriage. That’s REAL actual love.
Some women can and do have sex after menopause, but it’s a lot different. Lots of prep involved, it’s not NEARLY as good for her, and it hurts a little bit all the time and A LOT some of the time. But if you actually love her you’d be more than willing to work with her to find ways to make love that satisfy you both without hurting her or making her feel like she’s doing you a favor or a chore at her own expense. That’s a terrible situation. Did you marry her or her pussy? Figure that out and tell her now rather than after you find another vagina willing to let you stick your dick in it. You owe her that much.
If you were a married man who suddenly woke up at 45 with complete intractable erectile dysfunction and no one ever warned you or prepared you for it, and every doctor you went to just looked at you and said sorry, this is just a normal part of aging, theres nothing we can do, and then you went home to your wife who wanted sex all the time but you couldn’t give it to her even though you wanted to please her because you loved her so you tried to make up for the lack of sex in other ways, but she started having sex with tons of other dudes and eventually divorced you because of lack of sex, would you then develop some humane shred of empathy for women going through menopause? Because that is literally EXACTLY what it is like for us.
This reply is for Matt specifically. I do not normally reply to comments I see on websites like this because the idea of judging people, criticizing people for being honest about their feelings and experiences, and being presumptuous and pretentious enough to think I could possibly truly understand another human being’s situation is disgusting to me. These websites are usually within the first set of results from a search regarding the impact of perimenopause and menopause on marriage, a search I perform A LOT lately. I had to comment on this because your response to this blog immediately ignited some kind of very primitive, visceral, intense rage in me that I had no idea I was even capable of feeling.
Two things are necessary for me to write. 1: you are a man with a man’s biology. A wise man understands that he has absolutely zero business ever believing that he “understands” a woman’s biology to the degree that he thinks he could possibly empathize or sympathize with it. You literally can’t. You lack the neurobiological circuitry to truly understand. This is fact.
2: Every single woman born in and living in the US today, without exception, is far LESS prepared for and educated about and warned about the absolute hell that is perimenopause and menopause than any husband ever could be. NO ONE — not our mothers, doctors, friends, or grandmothers ever mentioned any of this shit to us, ever. Women are far MORE blindsided by the horrific massive mountain of shit that happens to us during perimenopause and menopause than our husbands ever could be. You want to blame someone or something for the fact that you have resorted to stuffing your dick inside another woman’s presumably far more youthful and less atrophied vagina after giving your WORD that you would be faithful to your wife for life? Blame yourself and your own lack of morality and integrity first, but blame modern medicine in the US second. DO NOT blame your poor wife because I don’t have to meet her to know she does not deserve that.
No, you don’t “have to cheat to survive”. Jesus. If men actually died from lack of sex, we’d have a much bigger problem with dead bodies piling up everywhere and prostitution would have been legalized a long time ago.
Did you marry this woman because you love her for HER, or did you marry her pussy? Did you marry her after somehow graduating high school without ever paying attention in a science class that explained the role of female hormones in sex and the effect of peri and menopause on those hormones? If so, sorry buddy but all that’s on YOU for being a naive dipshit. Really, truly. You have the entire knowledge base regarding menopause, hormones, libido, female aging, and literally every piece of information available to give you insight into your wife’s plight literally at your fingertips, but instead of using it to try to understand what’s going on with her, you use it to hookup with you get women and brag about it on blogs about menopause.
Here’s a truth bomb you need to hear: your wife is just as devastated about the abrupt cessation of intimacy in your marriage as you are. She probably spent decades of her life sacrificing A LOT to give you a family, a warm happy loving home, love and support and warmth and trying to take care of your dick too. And she believed, that entire time, that all of the sacrifice to give you children and make you a father, all the that effort and energy and consideration and love and affection and support during the marriage actually MEANT something to you, was worth something, was important and special and valuable and irreplaceable to you. When it hit her that the only thing about her that you valued and the only thing that kept you in the marriage was the frequency and quality of fucking– that the ONLY thing about her as a person that meant anything to you or that you valued was her pussy, she probably had something close to the same complete emotional and physical and mental breakdown we all have when that hits us, usually around 40. She realized that you don’t see her as your wife, or the mother of your children that she grew inside her and breastfed and broke her body for in order to make you a father, or her best friend, or any of the things that motivated her to revolve her life around you. She realized that you only see her for her pussy and only value her for her pussy and that NONE of the other stuff mattered. She realized, like most of us eventually do, that it doesn’t matter what she sacrifice or gave or put in or did for you to make you feel loved and cherished. At the end of the day, all that ever mattered to you was her pussy. That’s it. And if she can’t give you her pussy as much as you want, you’ll go find another pussy that will. And let me tell you, “Matt”, that that realization hits a woman like a fucking hydrogen bomb, especially after 40. There are no words in any language that could describe the gut wrenching, life shattering, horrific tsunami of self-disgust we endure after we acknowledge and accept how astronomically naive and stupid and blind and moronic we were to even think that any man could ever value a woman for any aspect of her besides her pussy, at any stage of life.
So no, she absolutely wouldn’t want to fucking go anywhere near you after that horrific realization. No woman would. And I guarantee you that the slut bag you’re fucking right now will eventually end up so deep into menopause that something similar will happen, although probably not as bad, because she didn’t sacrifice her ability to stand up and cheer at football games without pissing in her diaper just so you could be a father for the rest of your life.
You didn’t meet a woman who “desired” you, you met a woman with ovaries that still produced estrogen and she, just like you, has no moral compass or integrity or soul, so she thought she might get some physical pleasure out of letting your stuff your little wee wee into her pre-menopausal vagina simply because she isn’t old enough for it to HURT LIKE TORTURE yet. But trust me she will eventually get there. Then what? Just Drop her and convince some other younger woman to fuck you until it starts to hurt her too, then rinse and repeat until you’re too old for any younger woman to touch without puking?
You realize that your two daughters are learning FROM YOU that their only value in this world as human beings is their pussies, right? And that any man who marries them is only doing it for their pussies? Well I hope you ARE teaching them that. The only redemption you could possibly obtain is to at least tell them the TRUTH about men and marriage instead of letting them growing up believing the bullshit fairy tale that a man could actually love a woman for somehow she is instead of for guaranteed lifelong access to her pussy, until it naturally dries up from menopause. The LEAST you could do is prepare them for the inevitable fact that once they hit menopause and sex becomes difficult and painful, their husbands absolutely WILL start fucking younger women, no matter what else they do or have done for them. At least prepare them for their inevitable future.
I’m 49yrs old started my pre-menopause at 40 yrs old it’s the worse feeling ever the mood swings, no sex drive, anxiety is unbearable. I had to tell my husband please research the importance of menopause and I spoke to my doctor to assist me in dealing with this demon. So far my hubby and I are dealing with it. Thankfully he understands and he’s working with me through this difficult situation. I thank God everyday for blessing me with my husband.
This article does very little to establish his statement of dissatisfaction with the marriage, or why they were such a good fit together to start with. Many women pick “hot” men in their 20’s and treat selection of a mate just as men do. Young women should select stability, not likelihood of fertility. Lots of women get walked out on by poor choices in their mid 40’s. The men just repeats the process that put the last wife in the site. Choose a hot 20 something. A poor choice for a man will do it again and again. When men choose a woman just for looks, they get health. When a woman chooses using men’s criteria, she gets dumped after the bloom is off the rose. Pick “stability” girls, if stability is what you seek
I’m trying to explain this to my 26 year old granddaughter who wants a husband. She keeps picking “pretty boys” for boyfriends. The last one was a guy who had dumped his wife and 3 boys for my granddaughter, who was a spitting-image of his wife 15 years earlier! They could have been twins. I pointed this out to her and fortunately she saw the light. I told her it was okay to date quiet nerds, like Pops. They appreciate you and the marriage lasts.
So sorry that that happened to you.
My wife divorced me, she was not a communicator and after 20 years she just told me it’s over, I would have done anything but she was done
It’s always sad and takes a long time to get over, hang in there and just do stuff
Stay busy
They all leave, honey. Let them go and fuck someone else’s life up.
I kept forgetting to take my birth control so stopped taking in 2015 at 50 and threw myself into menopause. Everything went down hill from there. I started gaining weight, became very moody, agitated, exhausted and had b12 and vit D deficiencies to name a few. Already had an underactive thyroid to boot! About 2 yrs ago the arguments peaked to the point my husband asked for a divorce and my daughter actually answered door bell when papers were delivered. He paid for a lawyer and I had to go take out a loan to hire one. Long story short we talked and neither one of us really wanted a divorce so it got dropped. Two yrs later at 56 I wanted help so I got started on BioTe hormone pellets, estrogen and testosterone (my testosterone was very low). Also on high dose of Vit D weekly and B12 shots. My thyroid med had to be increased due to HRT. It is absolutely a fact that hormone levels wreak havoc on your mind, soul, and body and you’re not just crazy! Have your thyroid check because that controls a lot of things in your body. Get all your hormone levels adjusted and get your life back. Also, remember men go through stages like this too so going through this at the same time can be very bad! Get healthy again together!
I hear the term “hormones” constantly and am facing a similar situation (not having a divorce but am stressed and frustrated). What hormones do you mean. I understand thyroid levels and drugs like Synthroid that purport to regulate them. But what happens if that is not sufficient.
Dude the internet is literally filled with information on menopause and hormones and sex and libido. Start with Medline.
Basically estrogen and specifically estradiol starts to RAPIDLY drop after 35, leading to perimenopause. Estradiol drives puberty in women. Levels peak around 20 and estradiol is literally the difference between a 20 year old and a 50 year old woman, mentally emotionally and physically. Estradiol is made in the ovaries and they start to gradually fail around 35. Estradiol makes women bubbly, smiley, happy, excited people pleasers and drives all the personality traits men find attractive in young women. It literally makes women obsessed with pleasing men and obsessed with maming men like them so they can find a mate and husband. That is biology. Those traits fade as estradiol decreases as the ovaries start to fail, again around 35.
Aside from irritability and less people pleasing, decline estradiol also causes shrinking breast size, middle weight gain, a flat ass, a flattened “less plump” vagina, vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal tissue to the point of tearing and bleeding and pain with sex, and a MASSIVE decrease in sensation in the vagina. Libido literally disappears. Women want to want to have sex like we used to, but the connection between brain and vagina just breaks. There’s just no desire one day
Really. And we are blindsided and depressed as fuck by it and FAR more frustrated by it than our husbands ever could be, believe me. Keep in mind this is in a woman who hasn’t had kids. In a woman who has, the effects are MUCH worse. The absolute WORST part? Our husbands who we devoted our lives to, broke our bodies to give children to, care about more than our own lives and devote our lives to, simply just assume that we woke up one day and decided to just become cold resentful sex-witholding bitches one day, out of the blue for no reason, instead of even trying to understand any of it. They don’t care what we are going though, they only care about their dicks. And they assume that what is happening to us is a choice we make when it’s actually the opposite.
Some women fight the depression well enough to become super desperate and go to menopause clinics and beg for help because we are terrified of losing our husbands. The doctors usually hand us a script for lidocaine cream to help with painful sex, estrogen cream (doesn’t do a damn thing for atrophy) and a phone number for a divorce lawyer. There is no female Viagra or pill that helps or surgery or any option at all. This is absolutely no joke, it just happened to me. Some of them pitch an unapproved “vaginal rejuvenation” therapy which is literally a metal dildo covered with tiny lasers that cook the inside and outside of the vagina with the theory that damaging the tissue stimulates healing and collagen formation, making the pussy tighter and more sensitive. I considered it until I saw all the class action lawsuits online. There’s also systemic estrogen replacement therapy which helps a little bit, as long as you don’t care about the massive increase in risk of blood clots, stroke, pulmonary embolism and a dozen different kinds of cancer.
So really, WTF do you want and WTF do you expect from your wife? Her body is aging in terrifying depressing but NATURAL ways that NO ONE warned her about and instead of being a supportive husband youre pissed about your dick getting less sex because of it.
I hardly ever reply to these types of things. But I am today. Anytime I hear the name Effect, the hair on my neck stands up. Please be careful with it. I was on it. Loved it at first. Kept needing to up the dose after my body would get used to it. My experience with it left me a suicidal mess. Research it. It’s a very common story. I now refer to it as the devil drug . Please be careful.
– Been there
For those concerned about HRT, look into bioidentical HRT. It is a little newer, plant based, and more closely identical to human estrogen at the cellular level. There is compounded biodentical and non compounded bio identical HRT. The non compounded is FDA approved. Also ask about progesterone with estrogen, this lowers the risk of endometrial cancers.
My wife has been going through menopause for about 1 1/2 years now. 3 months ago she left me and got a house right down the street from our home. She traded me for another man because she thinks that I am the problem, and not her menopause. She’s constantly complaining that she’s not happy, but she refuses to see a therapist or psychologist. She comes to visit me sometimes and I don’t even recognize her anymore. Her children, grandchildren, sisters and everybody that knows her don’t recognize her either. We have been married for 19 years and she would never do the things she’s done to me and her family. She filed for divorce a couple weeks ago and I’m completely devastated and everybody else is in complete shock. I feel sorry for everybody that has to go through this menopause stuff.
I’m trying to be strong by working out and taking care of our grandkids but it’s getting harder and harder. She is the love of my life:(
My bf left me during menopause too. I couldn’t afford the bio identical hormone therapy as that would have helped me. My insurance would not cover it.
IMO life long monogamous relationships
Are unnatural. I’m sorry if anyone disagrees and feels offended and that’s not my intent. But I don’t believe mankind was naturally wired for 2 people for life.
It wasn’t the way until religion hit the scene. But regardless, we have natural flows biologically that cause us to be ‘ in the mood and fertile’ or not wanting sex at all and baby making time is done. Men also often get erectile dysfunction.
I just feel like we need to be more in tune to our bodies and natural rhythms. We don’t eat just when we’re hungry and stop when we’re full. We don’t sleep and rise with the sun. We force lifelong marriage contracts on ourselves and are hurt when the other person naturally wants a change of scenery.
We don’t listen to our mating cycles, our bodies literally telling us that sex and babies are over now. It’s a new chapter. Time to move on to the next greatest thing. Life is so much less complicated when there’s no relationship obligations or someone there to let us down anyways. Our bodies are done with it, so we should be too. But that’s just me. Just don’t struggle more than necessary. Find something that makes you happy. With yourself. Let your body go through its stages and heal. Love and be gentle with yourselves.
It is sad for women who have breast cancer because they can’t Use hormones. I think women quit showing affection during menopausal phase because affection leads to sex and sex becomes painful for menopausal women not to mention the body becomes frail. Men start loosing their testosterone and Male part functions and take viagra which leads to increase in sex drive and cheating . Hormone loss plays a huge part in change in a marriage. It’s important to stay affectionate and show attraction for each other. Remember that just like the courting phase passes, the raising children phase passes, the body stops producing hormones phase will also pass and you will both be in the life reflecting get ready to see Jesus phase (last decade of life) which you will need each other to care for one another and sex won’t be an option physically. Marriage is work for both. It is a three cord strand and when God is that third cord it is stronger. Do it His way and don’t rely on your own understanding and human ways and everything will go so much better for man and woman. Celebrate and respect each phase for what it is. In the end we are His and marriage is a way we help each other get there. Honesty and truth in what’s really going on with our bodies with each other can help to figure out ways to help each other to feel loved . That’s what it’s all about… love. We just want to feel loved.
The comments about different Life Stages is so wise and beautiful.
There are things neither men or women are taught
about our bodies as we get older.
People are nit dushrags that you use and throw
in the garbage.
I’m so glad that we know more now than we’ve ever known about what happens to men and women as we get older.
So knowledge of what to expect and how to deal with and have healthy aging is very important.
Skincare ,diet ,certain kinds of exercise (HIIT) helps couples go through this stage of life together in a positive way and not abandon their mate.
The man is getting older just like the woman.
What happens as he advances in age with what young chick?
Granted, some men or women just have their own issues and will drop you like a hot potato anyway.
But knowledge is power.
Take care 🙂
For women who don’t know, there are BHTR for sell in Amazon. Also in FB there is a group call strogen dominance. It explain what’s going on in our bodies and what we can do to improve our lives.
I’m 49 and menopause hit me like a boulder. I had a hysterectomy on 2018 with one ovary left. I went straight to menopause. I’m recently taking BHTR,(progesterone+ DHEA) due to the fact that I recently find out we don’t need estrogen, our body take testosterone and covert it to it..which is why explain how our testosterone levels drop. I also take iodine-lugols to improve my thyroid health, vit D3 + K2, vit B complex, boron, magnesium + potassium,calcium, and Cooper.
Im still having a few hot flashes but it has improved greatly. I’m sleeping way better! My hubby is happy because I’m also working on his needs as well. I’m supplements him to keep his mojo going. Men thyroid needs supplements as well. (You are going to thank me) also vit D, Cooper, magnesium, potassium. We are currently into each other since my testosterone has improved everything down there.
There is help out there. This isn’t the end.
Also eliminate sugar and introduce more greens
Take care